Fine Print Disclaimer

Fine Print Disclaimer: Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; information is provided as is without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal opportunity employer; a smoke free environment; no shoes, no shirt, no http; quantities are limited while supplies last; if defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized WWW service centre; caveat emptor; coitus interruptus; read at your own risk; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken; call before you dig; for external use only; if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes; avoid contact with mucous membranes and genitalia; may contain meat or meat by-products; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near flammable or magnetic source; avoid freezing; smoking this page may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; not transferrable; text used in this page is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test this page; no salt, MSG, artificial colour or flavour added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a doctor; articles are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; do not insert in body orifices; to avoid shock turn off power before removing cover; to avoid breakage use only vegetable-based lubricants; do not stare directly into page without wearing welding glasses; half an hour later in Newfoundland; objects may be closer than they appear; avoid reading during an electrical storm; offer valid only at participating WWW site; not valid in Quebec; allow four to six weeks for delivery; contents may settle during shipping; disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, baseball strike, hockey riot, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, typos, misspelled words, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in this page offer, and incidents owing to motor vehicle accidents, airplane crash, ship sinking, leaky roof, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, broken glass, flying projectiles, or dropping the item; other restrictions may apply. If something offends you, smell the roses, lighten up, get a life, and move on.